If you need to sort of seduce someone or charm someone on the spot, are there any sort of techniques that they teach you? >> Absolutely. There's When you really like we were talking about, when you really think about charm, charm is a charm and seduction alike are both an emotional connection. Yeah. So, I don't want you to think of it in terms of a sexual connection. Sexual connections are real and sometimes those exist, but I was I would venture to say that the average person has really only had maybe two or three moments in their entire life where they connected with somebody immediately sexually. Mhm. But we've had hundreds of interactions where we've connected with people emotionally. Mhm. And those people go on to become friends or they go on to become boyfriends or girlfriends or they go on to become, you know, you name it, right? Colleagues, uh partners in businesses. Emotional connections are so much more common and so much more easy to create artificially than sexual connections. To actually find two people who are so in who so incredibly sexually dynamic at the same time in the same place, that is a hard thing to do. So, when it comes to seduction, when CIA trains us Mhm. to seduce, when they train us to connect, it's not necessarily about the sex. It's never really centered around the sex. It's centered around the emotional connection. >> do they do that? You You can learn someone's emotional state in the moment if you if you use um assessment techniques, awareness techniques, uh body language, verbal intonation. There's a There's a lot of skills that go into it. It's not difficult, but there are skills that go into it. So, you can understand where they are standing. Are they coming from a place where they are angry at their core? Are they coming from a place where they are comfortable? Are they coming from a place where they are they feel threatened. And if you can connect on whatever those topics might be, then what ends up happening naturally is that person starts to feel like you and them are the same. And you need them, you need the target, to feel that similarity because it turns into something called trust, right? When they see in you that you are a reflection of their emotional state, they start to trust you because they subconsciously start to assume that you and them are going through the same emotional experience. This is why women who are breaking up often times make friends with other women who are breaking up. Have you ever had a Have you ever had a moment where you're going through something difficult and then you meet somebody new and they're going through something difficult and you're like And and you're so surprised. You're like, I can't believe I met you at this at this one moment of all the people to meet, you're the one I met. No. At any given moment, hundreds of people are going through all sorts of different emotions. It's just that you aren't always going through the same emotion that they are. Trained intelligence officers, we change our emotional state to match your emotional state. How do you do that? Are there some practical techniques? It's all fabrication. That's what we call artificial relationship building. So, as an example, if if we if you and I were having a conversation and I wanted to get you to believe that I was in the same emotional state as you. First, I would ask questions. I wouldn't tell stories. I wouldn't talk. I would ask you questions. Where are you going? How was your day? Tell me how you felt about this. Tell me how you felt about that. I would validate your feelings. So, if you were to say, "Oh, it's kind of a shitty day. It's gray, you know, and my energy's low." I would validate that and I'd say, "Oh, I agree. On on gray days, my energy's always low, too. Mhm. What do you do about it? And then you might answer, "Oh, I stay indoors. I watch movies. I drink coffee." What's your favorite coffee shop? Oh, I really like this coffee shop that's down the street, you know, it's called whatever, the Barista Brothers. Mhm. And it's in Borough Market in London. Oh, I've heard wonderful things about that place, right? What do you drink when you get there? What I'm get What I'm doing here is I'm collecting information about you. I'm eliciting through open questions and closed questions. I'm eliciting you to give me information. Mhm. But I'm not giving you any of my information. The only information I'm sharing about myself is a reflection of what you've already told me. >> Mhm. You like that coffee shop? I like that coffee shop. >> Mhm. You get tired in the gray? I get tired in the gray. >> Mhm. But because of the elicitation, because of the way the conversation is being structured, it doesn't feel like I'm just agreeing with you. And what is elicitation? Elicitation is a process where you indirectly collect information about another person. Mhm. Meaning you know that you're collecting that information. You know that you are presenting questions in a way that will elicit a response, but the person that you're talking to doesn't know that's what you're doing. >> Mhm. So, in this interview, this is not elicitation. You ask me questions, I answer your questions. During elicitation, you learn other things about a about a person. Mhm. Would you like to do an elicitation exercise? Yeah, sure. So, let's let's do an elicitation exercise. So, we're going to have a conversation. I want you to know right now, and I want everybody watching and listening to know, this is not a real conversation. Okay. This is an elicitation conversation. So, I I'm telling you that because I want you to practice in your head, I can't trust this conversation. >> Okay. I need you to tell yourself, like, this isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real. Mhm. Because my job to elicit from you is to make it feel as real as possible. Mhm. Okay. >> Okay. So, it the more comfortable that you are in the conversation, the more you will elicit. So, I'm telling you this because I want you to try to resist. Okay. >> And I'm telling everybody watching this because they will be able to see your body language, your facial expressions, and they'll be able to see how much you're resisting Mhm. or if you start to believe the conversation is real. Okay. So, I should resist giving you information. >> No, no, no. >> Okay. I don't want you to resist giving me information. I want you to remember that this conversation we're about to have, it's going to feel like we're really friends. Okay. But, we're not. Okay. Okay. >> I'm trying to take information from you, okay? All right. Francesca, how are you today? I'm all right, thank you. How are you? >> I'm well. So, we were talking before we came on camera about uh the fact that you go home often. Mhm. How often do you go home? Maybe once every 2 months. >> And and Romania is home? >> Yeah, Romania. Do you go back because you there's work there or is it just family? >> It's just family and friends. Yeah, I like to visit them. I'm very close with my family. Uh who is who are you closest with? My parents and my brother. The uh your did you grow up close to your parents or did it happen later in life? It was on and off. Like, we were close and then, you know, teenage years. We can't you know, as it happens. And then, we became close once again once I matured a bit. I wasn't I so, two things that's really interesting there, right? First, I was never really able to connect with my parents, so I didn't really grow up close to my parents. But, as I got much older, right? As I got into my 40s, then I could really relate to my parents. >> Oh. And that maturity finally kicked in. How How you connect with your parents? How were you able to find that maturity so much younger than I was? I guess cuz I was studying a lot of psychology and you know, I was working with therapists before for like a long time in my life. So, you know, I kind of I guess accelerated that process. Is your brother also close to your parents? Yeah. And you're close to your brother? Yeah, very close. >> So, I'm not very close to my sisters. We We always grew up competitive. How did you become close to your brother? I became close by kind of trying to find similarities between us and also we went through a lot of hardships together, so that bonded us. So, you It sounds like you did the majority of the work to try to make you close. I mean, I think the hardships just happened and then we became close, but maybe I put because I'm the oldest, I put a bit more effort into the relationship. He's a bit more nonchalant. And everybody else is still in Romania or do they also travel a lot? >> moved to Barcelona now, but yeah, we all kind of come in the same time. And how does he like Barcelona? He loves it. It's like the best city for him. I've heard great things about it. It's supposed to be very beautiful and artsy and architectural. Yeah, it's amazing. I mean, you know, he lives in a student accommodation with a rooftop pool and a cinema room and 10 minutes walk from the beach, so he's having the best life. Okay, so we'll we'll stop this now. >> Yeah. How much did Did you find yourself struggling to remember that that wasn't a real conversation? >> Yeah, definitely. [laughter] I had to keep reminding myself like, "Wow, that's really interesting. You know, we're connecting." But I had to remind myself like, "Oh, this isn't real." >> This isn't real. We're not connecting. I was I was there exclusively just to learn information about you. So, so let me tell you what I elicited from you. Cuz remember, I didn't ask these things directly, but this is what I learned >> Yeah. from you just talking. Yeah. Okay? Your brother's in college. Yeah. I didn't ask you if he was in college, but you [clears throat] told me he lives in student housing. Yeah. Right? Also, he is in Barcelona, but he's from Romania. So, that tells me that somehow he can afford travel. Mhm. And somehow he can afford that travel and schooling. Yeah. But he himself probably doesn't work or doesn't work very much. So, that tells me that your parents have some kind of funding source. Your parents are paying for it most likely. >> Yeah. You are the one in the family who is most likely the the profile that is the family keeper, the person who keeps everyone connected, the sticky glue, because you go back, your parents don't come here, it doesn't sound like very often, and your brother goes back. So, there and you are the one who is trying to be connected to him, and you're the one who's trying to be connected to your parents. So, that tells me that you might be the one that's the most family oriented. >> Mhm. Whether or not you are the most family oriented naturally, or whether that's something that came about because of your studying psychology, now you feel guilty and you feel like you have to connect them. >> Mhm. I don't know that yet, but it does I do feel like you are the person who's trying to keep everyone together. You're the one who was close to your parents and then distant and then close again. Um it also sounds like you're a very cerebral person, like you are a very uh objective more than subjective person. That's why what you studied became something that you then applied Yeah. in your life. Yeah. You [snorts] We didn't talk about the hardships. I wanted to to ask direct questions about what are these hardships. Yeah. But I didn't go into that. But what that tells me is that there's there's probably also been something that traumatized >> Mhm. you and your brother, because the two of you went through these hardships together. >> Yeah. And the reason that you talked about the hardships only between you and your brother and not you and your parents was possibly because the trauma that you suffered was from your parents. Oh my god. So, how much of that elicitation assessment was correct? >> Yeah, that was like very like close to 100% accurate. That's really good. And that's that's what we learn how to do. And that's what elicit >> [laughter] >> And that's what elicitation can do for you. And that's why that's why we teach elicitation at Everyday Spy. And we teach business owners and people how to use it. And we teach single people, married people, older people, younger people because it's so powerful. You can use that to win clients. You can use it to make sure that the person that you're dating is truly who they say they are. You can use it to start a new relationship. You can use it with your kids to build a stronger connection with your kids. Elicitation is a very valuable tool. But all the original question that you asked was about seduction. Mhm. True seduction starts there. Mhm. True seduction starts with a conversation that is an elicitation conversation. Mhm. Where we start to understand the values that the target experiences, what they what they care about. And then we replicate those values back. Because when you replicate values back, it subconsciously translates to I can trust this person. Mhm. Which subconsciously translates to I can trust this person with Mhm. my body. Mhm. Super fascinating. And you're kind of having a read, you know, on people as well. Like you're reading people. Are there any other techniques you use to read people? Body language is a great one. So, um if you go back to our elicitation exercise, and I'm going to encourage you to do this, and I'll encourage everybody everybody listening and watching. And maybe in the edit I want you to do this, too. Yeah. When I was asking you questions I was watching your body language. And there was a lot of smiling. There was a lot of open positioning with your body. Your arms were open. Your hand were open. Yeah. Uh you've been sitting with your legs crossed the entire time that we've been having the interview. So, that's baseline. Yeah. This is probably just because it's comfortable for you. It's not because you're feeling attacked or threatened. But most importantly, I was asking you these questions about your past and you kept looking to your left. Mhm. And you look to your left for most people in a Western society. You speak English, obviously. Um I believe Romanian is read from left to right. Yeah. Yeah. So, when you're talking to somebody in a Western society, they they read the same way that they see a chronology. Mhm. They see a timeline. Yeah. When most of us, if I ask you to visualize your childhood, most people are going to think of their childhood on this side and then they grow in this direction because that's the same way that you read from left to right. So, when you know that that's uh how how people read, you can also trust that that is how they will view a chronology. Mhm. So, then when you ask them questions about time, when you ask them to remember their childhood, they should look to the left. >> Yeah. When you ask them to remember anything other than today, they should look to the left. >> Mhm. When you ask them about the future, you should see their eyes look to the right. Mhm. When you ask them to create something that isn't a memory, they should look to the right. Mhm. Right? So, that's what I was doing with you during our elicitation. And you'll see that in the playback. You'll see how I asked you a question about childhood or about the past and you look to the left. >> Mhm. Super interesting. >> that's how I know that you're being honest, but it's also how I can see that we are connecting. Yeah. >> Even though I told you don't connect with me, I could still see I couldn't help it. Yeah. >> [laughter] >> And what if someone is lying, for instance? Would that mean they're looking to the right? >> Exactly right. So, if again, I'm talking about I'm specifically talking about a person who is based in in a Western culture. >> Mhm. Because if it's an Eastern culture where they read from right to left >> Mhm. or they read from top to bottom, you have to adjust your expectations. You have to look for people looking up when they're thinking about their childhood. >> Yeah. Or or if they read from right to left, you have to think about a culture where they look to the right. Yeah. >> you have to adjust yourself >> Yeah. to the person. But, since most of us most people watching this are speaking English or they speak English, they're probably coming from the same background as you and I. So, um their their brain has two hemispheres. It has a left quadrant or a left hemisphere and a right hemisphere. Mhm. Your left hemisphere is your logical hemisphere. Yeah. Your right is your creative hemisphere. >> Mhm. Well, what that means is when you're accessing the left side of your brain, when you're accessing the fact-based logical part of your brain, your eyes actually move in the same direction as that hemisphere. Mhm. So, if I ask you a math question, you'll probably look to your left to figure it out. Ah, you just did. >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. But, when I ask you to invent something new, Mhm. you're going to look to your right. >> Mhm. Right? If I were to ask you to be like, "Hey, um name your perfect man or describe your perfect man." Yeah. >> You would probably look to the right and be like, "Hm, he would have this and he would have that." Cuz you're you're tapping into that creative Yeah. >> half of your brain. So, that's another way that you can kind of start to understand how people work. Now, with all what I'm giving you are called microexpressions. >> Yeah. Microexpressions are not fully reliable until you understand the person's baseline. >> Mhm. There are some people who naturally look left when they're being creative, and there are some people who naturally look right when they're being logical. So, you can't it's not it's not a cheat sheet for all people. Yeah. But, it helps you understand the person that you're talking to, and you can test them in advance. You can ask them truth-based questions. Yeah. You know, uh "What's your middle name?" "Oh, my middle name is North." And then now you if you know their middle name is North and they look to the right, that's giving you information like, "Oh, that's their truth quadrant." That's where they look when they're telling you the truth. "How old are you?" "Oh, I turned 45 last year." They did it again and you know they're 45, that's another indicator of truth. So, you might be dealing with somebody who's who's atypical but still consistent.