Ben was not interested in tennis in the
beginning. He said, "That will not be my sport, Dad. I'm going to play football. I'm going
to play basketball. I'm play baseball, but not tennis." All the American sports. Yes.
All the American sports and the team sports. And because he's very social and and so for him, I
thought that was maybe a better path, you know, to go the team route and not the the individual
tennis route. So, how did he change his mind? you know, he was very good in American football. Um,
he was a quarterback on his team for five years. And I think he was 11 or around 11 years old when
he said one day because he saw his sister going to the tournaments on the weekends. And the finals in
the United States, the finals are a lot of times are on Mondays. And so if she did very well at
the tournament, she would miss school on Monday. And I honestly think he was just jealous that
she was able to miss one day of school each week, you know, because she was doing well.
And soon just thought, "Hey, Dad, do you mind if I start playing tennis with you and
Emma?" He was quite late. What? He's like, "Yeah, I'm going to give one year off from football and
I'd like to to play tennis with you guys." Quite late at the end, like 11 12. Yeah, it was 11 years
old. And until then, he was not playing that. He wasn't playing. He was playing in the summer
camp with us a little bit, but during the year, not at all. No tournaments. Um, so yeah, and then
he started training with us and we trained very early in the mornings because I had to work all
day. And so I was like, "Okay, but if these are the stipulations, we have to go 6 in the morning
and we're going to go for two hours each day. If you want to do that, you're welcome to join
us." cuz Emma, his sister, was very motivated and like very serious and very disciplined
and Ben's a little different. And I said, "But you have to set your own alarm clock and I'm
not going to wake you up, but if you want to come, you show up and we'll have breakfast in the
morning and we'll go." And uh so he started coming down with us and we started the whole journey
of his tennis as well. And for you as a father, but also former player and coach, you wanted your
kid to have to go through university or Yeah, that's what I thought. I thought that I wasn't
really thinking about professional tennis with my children. I was thinking like college tennis.
Okay. My my daughter like early on she knew I want to be a professional tennis player and I thought
let's take it one step at a time, you know, and let's develop your game in a healthy way and
let's not worry about the results too much. Let's not think about points and these things that a
lot of families talk about or try to strive for, but let's just really take it one step at a time
to try to develop your allcourt game and develop you as a person as well, you know, and let's do it
as much as we can in a very healthy way, you know, and the results when they would come home from
the tournaments, you know, I'd always ask the same questions, you know, cuz I wasn't able to travel
to the tournaments with them. and their mom took them to most of the tournaments. And so I would
ask, you know, what did you do well, you know, and they would go through and tell me the things
that they did well and I said, well, what could you have done better, you know, and my daughter
would always have a long list of the things she could do better? Like she's a perfectionist, you
know, and always hard on herself. And then Ben, he would tell me all these things he did well
and very little about what he didn't do well. I'm like, come on, you lost in the quarterfinals.
Like, what could you have done better? I just need to grow. Once I get bigger and stronger, I'll
beat that guy every time. That's a very boy answer. The confidence like he would not take any
negativity. None. He would just throw it away. And I was always like thinking that's not a good
mentality. And now I realized that it was actually a good mentality. Yeah. Sometimes you need that
fake confidence in a way, you know. Yeah. He just had this ability to communicate confidence. And
I think by doing that over and over and over and just rejecting any negativity, he wouldn't take it
on. You know, even if I told him like, "You need to do this better and better." He goes, "Oh yeah,
I will soon as I get bigger." You know, just a quick pause. If you're enjoying this conversation,
make sure to subscribe to Tennis Insider Club. It's the best way to support the show and to
make sure you never miss a new episode. Now, let's get back to it. I'm coaching a player that
has much bigger, higher limits than I had. So, I have to be careful not to put him into my head
and I have to realize that he's different and he has greater abilities maybe and he has more things
that he can do. And so, so I have to be careful not to put him in a box and I got to allow him to
do some of these things because maybe maybe his way is the right way, you know, and and so so I'm
careful not to try to squash, you know, his talent or his expression or his ability to play the game
and not not limit him in any way. But at the same time, you know, we're trying to grow the bottom
as well as as push the top. And so right now, the bottom is still a little bit low for the for
as far, you know, as high as the top is. And so I think that's the challenge. Interesting.
It's like how can we eliminate the bad days, the days where he's losing matches that possibly
he could win and still be able to play the the great matches. cuz right now he comes to the grand
slams and whatever switch he turns he starts to play his very best tennis anytime he gets to a
grand slam and then he has the opportunity to play the top players he's playing very well um so
it's just how do we increase the bottom level you know for me as a coach I think that's that's
the the challenge you know and working with a guy like Ben who's very very aggressive but I
also was an aggressive player so it's kind of my mentality to that. I want to be able to control
play on the court, you know, and I I want Ben to be the one dictating, you know, and like I
said, when he's there, you know, it's great. Um, but there's times when he goes past that limit
and he shoots himself in the foot, you know, and so he doesn't get to the second or third round
in a tournament. You know, I still want him to do things and if he makes mistakes and then he stops
to serve and volley or he stops to to want to come forward or stops wanting to use his his slice or
his drop shot or doing some of these things that I want him to continue to develop and we say, "Ah,
you're missing that. Don't do that anymore." like, "No, no, no, no, no. Keep doing it, but make the
correction." Oh, you did this with the volley and you played to the open court and you should have
kept it behind the guy and next time just make a different choice. But the the effort of coming
forward that was not your mistake, you know. Yes, it was a good intention. It was good intention
and I want you to continue to work that way and continue to play that way and it's like continue
to learn, you know. And how was the transition for you? Ben went to university and then make the move
to go pro. How did you leave that moment? Well, it was interesting cuz for me he was playing on my
university team. Oh, you know, so I was coaching at the University of Florida and Ben was he had
completed two years in the university on the team with me. And so to for me at that stage, it was
the greatest part of my coaching career having him on the team. That's pretty cool. with the other
guys that I was coaching and for him to be a big part of that and to to experience that each day
with him was like a dream come true. So when he left, I was going to stay on at the university and
he was gonna turn pro. And I was a little bit sad, you know, that that, you know, in my mind I was
like, he's going to do four years here with me, you know, and then after two, I felt like I was
robbed a little bit, you know, and uh but he's like, "Dad, I need to I I want to go. I need to
go. I'm ready to go." And so I had to kind of like give him my blessing, you know, and like, "Okay,
go, son. good luck, you know, and he was going to be traveling with USA coach and I was jealous
a little bit like he was going off with another coach and you know, but but I was also excited
for him, you know, that he was going to be able to live out his dream now, which is his current
dream to be able to play on professional tour. And uh he was moving quickly like this. And so that's
always exciting to see your child and see them progressing, developing, growing in confidence,
um, being able to experience things for the first time. He had never been out of the country, you
know, and I always thought that I'd be the one to take him out of the country, his mom and I, and
and he went on his own, you know, to Australia, you know, the very first time he left the United
States. and and then to see him like his first grand slam as a pro really. He played the US Open
before but as a pro he goes to Australia and makes the quarterfinals and it's like whoa what happened
you know how is this happening so quickly? So very proud moments, but also um you know
knowing that there's going to be a lot of changes in his life in a quick amount of time and
I'm not there you know to to help him through some of those things was was good but also tough you
know and uh in about 6 months after afterward he's like dad you have to come out here with me you
know and that made me feel like okay it's time it's And so then I ended up leaving the university
and and started to travel with him full-time. It's uh that's pretty cool. Um pretty amazing like last
two years ago coming to Wimbledon for the first time with him and uh kind of starting the coaching
there here at Wimbledon. So uh pretty amazing. You find it hard sometimes to balance those two roles
being a dad for someone who's still very young, growing, discovering life and at the same time
being the coach. Yeah, it's it's it's tough at times, but you know, I think that for me, it's
just about being patient and to be aware. And so, I'm constantly aware of where Ben is at mentally,
emotionally. When he wants to talk about tennis, when he wants to talk about his game, when he
wants to talk about things that are related to the sport, I'm aware of that. And when he doesn't, I'm
very aware of that, too. And so, I just respect both. And I think that's where our relationship
is healthy is that when he was a young kid, I was the boss and I was telling him this, this,
and this, and he just had to sit and listen. Yeah. But as he's grown, as he's grown into a young
adult, that's changed. Yeah. He's independent guy. Yeah. He's independent. Uh we sometimes have
dinners together, but not often. So outside of the tennis, you try to do like separate lives. Yeah.
Let him let him live his life. You know, it's not normal for a 22-year-old to be with his mom
and dad or with his dad all the time. You know, it's normal for them to go out and to experience
life and to to grow up on their own. That balance is very very important. And so, I don't ever
want to impose too much of myself there. Uh we have a very good relationship and uh there's
mutual respect that I have for him and that he has for me and the love is there both ways as
father and son and that's the most important. And then I probably give him about 5 or 10% of
the tennis, you know, of what I have. You know, right now he's only taking five or 10%. But it's
okay. I have a lot more to give, but he's I wait. I wait. Whenever he's ready to take it, even when
he's on the court playing, I wait. And I know when he comes to my corner, I I know when he wants
something or when he needs to hear something from me and what type of things he wants or needs to
hear. And I respect that. and he knows me so well that you know everyone says, "Oh, you're smiling
all the time when Ben's playing." And part of it is like it's an amazing experience to see your
son out there on the court and playing and you think about like I pinched myself like is this
really happening, you know? And so there's that, but then there's also just the thought of what do
I want him to see from me when he's playing the game? Yeah. I want him to understand that it's a
game and that you're playing a game and you should be having the time of your life out there, you
know, and having fun. And so when he sees me and he sees that I'm enjoying the experience, whether
he's winning or losing, then it kind of reminds him it's not just about the result. Yeah. Yeah. I
want the result. We're competitive, you know, but there's more things to life than just the result.
Result should be a consequence in a way. No, of like Absolutely. Yeah. When you're a player and
you're in the middle of the court and you watch at your team and you see there's a desperate faces
tension, it's very tough because you're obviously trying your best. It's not like you're doing
mistake on purpose. And it's like I think part of my my thought for myself and for the team is that
we also want to model the behavior and the feeling that the player could look at and say, "Okay,
that's what I want to do. That's how I should behave. you know, I should be enjoying this. I
should be excited. I should be having fun out here on the court. And so, I want everyone else to have
that look and have that feeling as well, so that we're all together in this, you know, and I think
parents sometimes are like, his attitude is not right, you know, and they're upset about it and
like, well, why? Yeah. What are you projecting to your son or to your daughter that they're feeling
the stress from you because of that? And it's like I tell the players sometimes, you have to fake
it until you make it. Like just act like you feel confident. Just put a smile on your face. Even
though you don't feel it, eventually if you do that enough, it'll start to change and become more
natural. And the same for the team. It's like we have to bring this. Even if we feel nervous or we
feel this or that, that's normal. Yeah. But don't show that. Yeah. When you start putting bad faces,
you you go like down the it ends up in a pretty bad spot. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny because I feel
like when when Ben makes a mistake on the court and if I look around, I see a lot of eyes looking
to me. You know, if I look in the the spectators, they're looking at me. Like, how is he going
to respond to that? And you realize like, wow, they're looking and maybe Ben's looking as well.
Like, how are you going to respond to that mistake I just made? It's okay, man. We all make mistakes.
You know, belief is something that if you look around even at the players that are at the very
top of the game, the top 100 players in the world, it's something that comes and goes throughout
the season. They're at some points they're just naturally it's going well and they have this
belief and inner confidence that it'll continue to go well. And they start to feel the formula for
success. They feel like, you know, they don't even have to talk about it. It's just a feeling that
they have inside when they're going well. and and they just don't even think about it too much, but
it's just they're in a nice flow state. And then there's other times when it's just like they start
to doubt themselves, you know, and start to think, well, maybe I'm a phony, maybe I'm a fake, maybe
I'm not as good, even though I'm ranked high, maybe I got lucky, or, you know, they start to
have these thoughts and these feelings inside. And we've all had them as players. And it's like
how do you deal with those things internally and turn them around so that you can be more confident
and you can start to believe because some people think you need to have good results to build
your confidence. Well, if you don't have it, how do you get the results? So, what what what
else brings that confidence and that belief? And what else can you focus in on to help you to
continue to move in the right direction? And I think these are the things that for me were
fascinating because that's where my playing experiences and having all those thoughts and then
being able to share those thoughts with my players that I've worked with so they understand you're
not alone in this. Yeah, we all have this. I mean, I talked to Martina Navatalovva and she had all
these doubts. Even when she was number one in the world and setting all these records, she still
doubted herself all the time. Yeah. you know, and Tom Brady in football said, you know, I feel
like every year I have to earn my job, you know, and it's like this is the greatest of all time.
Yeah, true. What advice would you give to parents of young players? You know, I think that the
way that I've always parented and the way that I've always coached is I always try to ask the
questions. And it's a different way of approaching and teaching your kids how to think, how to solve
problems, how to get to solutions and resolutions, how to grow and develop. Because if we're
constantly telling our kids what to do, how to do it, how to do it better, it's very
becomes us. It becomes our thing, not their thing. And for for for your kid, what what one thing
that I really want and my wife really wants for our children is that they feel strong within
themselves internally. They understand who they are and why they do the things that they do
and and how what their goals are and the things that they want to accomplish for themselves. Not
for me, not for their mom, not for someone else, but for them. And so by asking the questions, it
it allows them to start to think for themselves and start to become confident in who they are as
people. Yeah. And then obviously as tennis players as well. And so, you know, that's the advice I
give everyone. It's like it's just my approach, but I feel like it's worked well with the
players that I've worked with in the past, and it certainly works well with my kids, is just ask the
questions. What could you have done better? What what what is something you want to accomplish?
How did you feel out there on the court? What could change that and get you to a better place?
Like what are some of the things you felt like you were missing? Um what are some of the things
that you're feeling really good about? Like where do you gain your confidence when you're out on
the court? Like how do you when you played your best in those matches? What were what were you
doing beforehand? What did you eat? What did you think? What did you how did you sleep? What did
you do? because I want them starting to put like an association with certain behaviors that lead
to certain performances and just a way of feeling good about yourself. And so I think that, you
know, less talking down to your kids, more trying to get them to engage and to take responsibility.
I think that that's that's a healthy approach and that's the advice I'd give. Love it. It's pretty I
think it's my favorite advice by buy so far in the